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Charlize Theron vs. Angie Harmon by John. J. jabljoh@interaccess.com 9-24-99

Charlize was on a roll; her popularity was soaring among the movers and shakers of the big Hollywood production centers. Her victory in the opening round of the Celebrity catfight tournament generated some interest in Charlize, but then she followed that up with a narrow knockout victory over Gena Lee Nolin, the phone calls started to pour in for her to appear on television specials, guest star in series and theatrical movies.

Charlize and her manager considered all the possibilities and settled on some of them as sure things. Guest starring on "Law and Order" was Charlize' top choice. The producers were thrilled and immediately started to write a role in an episode just for the gorgeous blonde. When she saw the script, Angie Harmon was furious.

She stormed into the producers office and yelled, "What the hell's the big idea with Charlize Theron and this script. Her role's bigger than mine and I'm one of your damn stars! AND she wins on top of that! She's a damn high-class thief and you're gonna let her get away with it?"

The producer said, "Charlize is hot right now. We want the show to get top ratings, so we're going for that."

Angie turned red, "She's hot? OH, PUH-LEASE!! Give me a break! That little trailer trash bimbo beat a supermodel who couldn't fight her way out of a paper bag and a new mom who probably couldn't take a couple punches before she caved in. I'm REAL impressed."

The producer told Angie sternly, "Look, I don't care how impressed or unimpressed you are with her. The people financing the show think she'll get good ratings. That's the end of the discussion."

Angie said flatly, "Well, I'm not working with that peroxide bimbo! And that's the end of that discussion!"

The producer said, "You've got a contract, hon. Don't pull that shit with me!" He thought for a minute and then added, "Unless..."

"Unless what?" Angie asked, still fuming.

"You willing to fight her over the episode?" he asked flatly.

He knew that no matter what, he'd win. If Angie refused, he gets Charlize. If she accepts and wins, suddenly she's the hot property. If she accepts and loses, Charlize is on the show and even hotter than before.

Angie hesitated for a minute, but said, "OK. Yeah, I'll fight the blonde bitch!"

The producer made a few phone calls with Angie sitting there. Charlize got on the phone and the producer put her on speakerphone. Charlize was laughing when the speaker activated.

Charlize said, "OH, she thinks she's such hot shit, does she? Well, I'll be glad to fix that attitude for the little bitch! That arrangement is fine, but the winner of the fight is on the show by herself. If I win, Angie is OFF that episode. If she wins, I'll withdraw from the show."

Angie hissed, "Done!"

Three weeks later, the fight was set to take place in the vacant and newly remodeled board room at the studio offices. Both women were instructed weeks before to keep their hair long and loose and about the manicure requirements. Both wore a skirt and blouse over bikinis as they arrived. Naturally, they both wore high heels.

Angie hissed, "Let's get this over with."

Neither got a chance to remove her skirt and blouse as Angie charged Charlize and tackled the blonde into the wall. She pounded her with kidney punches until Charlize freed herself by landing a couple elbows to the gut. Angie stepped back holding her bruised midriff.

Charlize grabbed Angie around the neck and started to choke her. With Charlize' hands tight around her throat, the brunette clutched at Charlize' hands to try and pry them free. She couldn't break Charlize' grip on her throat so she reached up and raked her nails across Charlize' eyes. Charlize screeched as she immediately let go of Angie's throat and backed off, rubbing her eyes to try and clear her vision.

Angie regained her breathe just as Charlize cleared her vision and they both were ready to fight at roughly the same time. Angie charged but ran right into a spin kick that all but took her down. Angie's head spun around as Charlize' high heel smacked into her cheek. Charlize grabbed Angie by the hair and gave her a big knee lift to the nose. Angie groaned as she flopped over backward, sprawling on her back on the floor.

The blonde grabbed Angie by the hair, hauled her up to her feet and whipped the brunette into the wall. As she threw Angie, Charlize kept her hold on her blouse. When Angie went flying, Charlize ripped Angie's blouse in two and both pieces were ripped completely off the stunned actress.

Charlize immediately charged in and nailed Angie with a vicious knee to the pussy. Angie started to sag to the floor but the big blonde held her up by planting her arm across her throat, adding a choke to the mix while she sent a flurry of forearm smashes to Angie's chest. Charlize ripped Angie's bra off and continued the tit assault as she dug her sharp nails into the tender flesh. Angie tried to retaliate by assaulting Charlize' ripe lemon-size tits, but she couldn't get a solid grip through Charlize' blouse and bra.

Angie didn't have enough room to rip off Charlize' blouse, although she did manage to destroy the blouse by ripping the front of it to shreds. Angie started to tug hard on Charlize' bra, her fingernails digging into the soft flesh as her hands curled over the top of the cups. The blonde yelped at this new tit pain as Angie tugged again and again until the bra ripped and came off in her hands.

But Charlize had made Angie pay dearly for taking her blouse and bra. Angie's tits had welts and bruises, but now streams of blood were added as Charlize dug her nails in and left bloody scratches on the once pristine boobs. When Angie squealed in pain, Charlize grinned as she just dug in harder until Angie ducked her head and head-butted Charlize, making the blonde back off in a daze.

Angie was hurt and not at full strength, but she knew she had to capitalize on her advantages whenever she got them. She lashed out with her foot and nailed Charlize hard to the pussy. Charlize' legs buckled, she moaned and went down to her knees clutching her groin. Angie had grabbed Charlize by the hair and started to pull her to her feet when Charlize pounded a left-right combination into her aching boobs. She followed those with a knee to the pussy and Angie went down in a heap.

Charlize grabbed Angie by the hair and whipped her into the wall, then ran across the room and splashed the brunette against the wall. Angie groaned as her body absorbed the full impact of Charlize' weight. Charlize stepped back and let Angie's body slide down to the floor. Charlize tried to secure Angie's legs in hers with a grapevine, but Angie cuffed her in the ear and managed to roll out from under her before it was set.

Angie kicked Charlize in the gut as she scrambled away on her back, then gave her an elbow drop to the tits. As Charlize gasped and tried to get a breath, Angie locked her legs around Charlize' midriff in a bodyscissors. Angie struggled to squeeze the strength out of Charlize, while Charlize tried to wedge her elbow between Angie's legs to unhook the brunette's scissors. When Charlize succeeded, Angie rolled away, got up quicker and lunged at Charlize.

But Charlize was ready for her and flipped the brunette up and over her. Angie landed hard on her back and before she got up Charlize landed a brutal leg drop across Angie's already sore and aching tits. Now it was Charlize' turn to clamp on a vicious bodyscissors using her long, powerful dancer's legs. Charlize squeezed and squeezed until Angie was nearly ready to quit, but just as it looked like it was over, Charlize stopped and let the brunette go. Angie just lay there limp on the rug as she gulped down mouthfuls of life-giving oxygen.

Charlize wasn't letting her back in the fight though. Just as Angie took in the air, Charlize forced it out with a solid stomp on her stomach. Charlize grabbed Angie by the hair and trapped her head between her thighs when she clamped on a figure-four headscissors. Charlize secured her leg across Angie's throat, adding a choke to the squeezing. Angie struggled to get free, but she couldn't. After several minutes, she knew that she was about to pass out.

Her ego deflated, Angie weakly yelled out, "Please stop. I give up."

Charlize cupped her hand to her ear, leaned over and asked, "What was that?"

Angie said, "I said 'I give' bitch! Now get off me."

Charlize squeezed a little harder with her legs and then scratched Angie's perky tits a couple of more times.

She said, "Now, that wasn't very polite. What do you say."

Angie yelped in pain and said, "Please…please stop. I give up."

Charlize said, "And?"

Angie sighed, "And I want you to be on 'Law and Order.'"

Charlize released the headscissors and kicked the defeated brunette away. Angie just rolled over and lay in a heap as she quietly sobbed; defeated by Charlize Theron. The grinning producers handed a contract to Charlize.

Charlize looked it over and shook her head, "I think a change is in order. And I'm SURE that Angie will agree. Angie's character gets sick. I'm a visiting prosecutor from another city brought in to replace her and my twin sister is the criminal."

The producers loved the idea and wrote it up that way. Angie sobbed as she watched Charlize sign the contract, giving up her role for that week and learning a valuable lesson about messin' with Charlize Theron!

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