Twice Charlize hit long drives deep to left field, only to watch in dismay as tall Gwyneth Paltrow hauled both in. Apple's 'Momma' then would flip the ball out of her glove and hold it up, taunting Charlize as she slowed her run and, head down, jogged off the base path once again.

“Hell to have warning track power, isn't it Theron,” teased Gwynnie.

The score was 2-1 with the Mommies in the lead when Charlize came to bat again and once again she connected. Only this time, she watched her shot clear both Gwyneth's glove and the fence! There had been a runner on base, so the score grew to 3-2 for the ‘Kidless Cuties’. Fast forward to the bottom of the ninth, the “Mommies” last chance!

Courtney Cox Arquette drilled a long hard shot toward the gap in left-center but Jennifer Garner speared it on the dead run. Jennifer came up grinning from ear to ear as Courtney pulled up and peeled off, kicking the dirt in disgust as she returned in disgrace to the dugout. One out.

Next up, Linda Kozlowski (still wearing that stunning thong from ‘Crocodile Dundee’). She clouted a shot to right center that looked to be a sure extra base hit but Halle Berry, her nemesis, wearing a tight, lycra, form fitting sweat suit, ran it down and plucked it out of the air with another defensive gem. Linda K. was outraged and swore vengeance, making a threatening gestures to Halle who just smiled and flapped her glove like a mouth yapping before she tossed in the ball.

Kelly LeBrock was up next and she slammed a double to left center that just eluded Theron’s grasp, setting the stage for ‘The Big Cat” Catherine Zeta-Jones. The Welsh gal had a hit earlier but she could feel this was her moment! Using her best cricket bat stroke, Catherine laid the wood to the second pitch and drove it directly over Charlize’s head. It looked like a certain win for the Mommies as Charlize turned her back and raced back, looking over her shoulder. Then she reached up and gloved it while the stunned Jones stopped dead in her tracks near second base.

Catherine was beyond furious! There was no good sportsmanship here and as Charlize trotted in grinning from ear to ear, for Catherine confronted her and slugged Charlize in the pit of the stomach with a hard right sucker punch that doubled her over and dropped her to her knees gasping for air.

Both teams rushed out and gathered around, pairing off for fisticuffs. Charlize quickly recovered and took her boxing stance. This would be Marquis of Queensbury but without gloves. Charlize jabbed Cat hard with her left, then a right cross sent Cath sprawling on her face. Theron was determined to show this one just who was the champion of their set! Catherine got up, but she took repeated blows to her jiggling breasts and solar plexus. Charlize was on a tear over the sucker punch!

“C'mon you coward,” challenged Char.

Catherine was staggering now and Charlize was in full command. She put her hands on her hips for a second and sang, “It's one (left to the jaw), two (right to the jaw), three strikes (final left to Jones jaw) you're OUT at the old ball game.” Then she shook her hips as Catherine crumpled and fell face down in the dirt at second base.

But Charlize still wasn't satisfied! She called the scorekeeper out of the dug-out, took her magic marker and then pulled off Catherine’s shorts and panties. She wrote on Catherine’s stark white bare buttocks cheeks….”Char” (on one cheek), “Wins” (on the other). Then she posed with her foot on Catherine’s ass and had her picture taken pointing to Catherine’s bare bottom and grinning to beat the band. “The Kidless Cuties’ went out for drinks to celebrate, leaving the “Momma' s” hanging their heads in defeat as they left the ballpark, carrying Catherine Zeta-Jones’ bottomless body.

But of course, this isn’t the end of the story for everyone knows that Catherine Zeta-Jones is one of the most powerful and well-connected women in Hollywood. When she awoke, Catherine swore she’d make Charlize pay for humiliating her and did she ever! Catherine Zeta-Jones’ revenge became a legend in Tinseltown; one talked about for years afterward as the ‘sine que non’ of revenges! Maybe one day we’ll tell you all about it; it’s one doozy of a story!
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Part Two: The Second Game (Playing 'Semi-Hardball') by jermaine
After their shocking loss, the 'Mommies' demanded, and got, a rematch. The next game is every bit as close-fought and bitterly contested as the first game was . In the bottom of the ninth with the score tied, 'The Kidless Cuties' lead off batter, Lucy Liu, works a base on balls from the obviously tiring 'Mommies' pitcher Cindy Crawford. The Mommies catcher, Liz Hurley, has been flapping her collagen bloated lips all night, and her last exchange with Lucy was, to say the least, earthy and pointed.

As Lucy drops the bat, she turns toward the scowling Hurley and tells her in the most dismissive tone she can muster, "I'm stealing second, Honey. Ain't a damn thing you or Old Moleface can do about it..."

Hurley and Crawford confer on the mound, while Lucy dances provocatively at first, much to the irritation of first basewoman Christie Brinkley. Then on the first pitch to Shannon Elizabeth, an outside fast ball, Hurley rises and fires a strike to second base. Lucy slides in perfectly, avoiding the somewhat casual attempted tag by the overconfident Denise Richards as the 'alleged actress' moves her glove too soon and mishandles the throw.

As the ball bounces out to Catherine Zeta-Jones in center field, Lucy jumps up and scurries on toward third. CZJ's throw to Janet Gretzky-Jones at third arrives a nano-second too late. The pleased-as-punch Liu turns her back to the 'Mommies' bench as she slowly bends over, stretching her shorts tight across her ass, and dusts off her uniform. Theron, Jennifer Garner and the other 'Cuties' wildly applaud both Lucy's exploits and the way she 'showed her ass' to the 'Mommies'

CZJ, Crawford, Gretzky-Jones and Hurley surround the beleaguered umpire and berate him with torrents of verbal invective. Taking note of the tighly clinging uniforms molded to the women's bodies by their perspiration, the poor guy's penis turns to titanium but, like it, he remains firm and their entreaties prove fruitless; the call stands and Lucy remains happily perched atop third base where she proves a thorn in the cranky Crawford's side.

The verbal taunting continues from the 'Kidless Cuties' dugout as Shannon Elizabeth digs in at the batter's box again. Crawford bears down and after a textbook perfect slider and a series of gamely fought off foul balls, the supermodel has Shannon right where she wants her, with an 0-2 count. The next pitch is high heat, right up under Shannon's chin where Hurley had ordered it. Shannon tumbled back in self-defense, landing with a grunt on her butt just outside the batter's box. From her seat, the brunette beauty glared daggers at the smirking supermodel on the mound. As she got back to her feet, Shannen also had few choice invectives for Hurley, whom she knew was at least partly responsible for the head-hunting.

As Cindy went into her stretch and came set, Shannon looked back at the bitchy Brit backstop and hissed, "Steve Bing fucked me too, but he was proud to admit it!"

Hurley's face reddened behind her mask!! Bing was the man whom she'd had to pursue in a paternity suit. The cad would only admit to being the father of Hurley's child after being dragged into court and forced to testify under oath. The very mention of his despised name was enough to make Liz come unglued.

Crawford's pitch was a spectacular slider that tied Shannen up in knots for strike three. But Hurley's catcher's mitt was nowhere near the ball's location and as it skipped past the distracted catcher. Shannen dropped her bat and sprinted toward first while the ball bounced toward the backstop. At third base, Lucy sped toward home plate, intent on scoring the winning run while Hurley finally collected both herself and the ball.

Crawford, schooled in the tenets of fundamental baseball, was already moving expertly to block home plate. Liz' throw drew Cindy toward third and she had to stretch those long legs to the max to field the ball. Lucy came tearing down the base path like a ballistic missile and as Crawford turned to sweep her glove across the runner, Lucy slid in with her feet high. Her right foot made contact with the corner of the plate, sealing the 'Cuties' win but her left foot, raising high, scored a direct hit on Crawford's womanhood.

The supermodel let out a scream of terror so high-pitched only dogs could hear it as she dropped to her knees, then rolled over writhing in the dust in agony curled up in the fetal position. A few feet away, the 'Cuties' lifted dusty Lucy off the ground and carried her away on the shoulders of Shannen and Jennifer Garner as the errant ball rolled to a stop ten feet away from Crawford's open glove, a testimony to Lucy's impact speed.

Charlize stole a glance back toward Liz Hurley who was gasping for breath on her hands and knees, her covergirl face as red and wrinkled with rage as Rudolph's nose on Christmas Eve.

To say that the 'Cuties' had a spirited team shower afterward would be an understatement and, as usual, Lucy Liu proved herself as adept at 'towel popping" as she was at larceny on the base paths. The happy team spent an hour exchanging sophomoric locker room practical jokes before they got dressed and went their separate ways; most of the 'straights' heading to the "Put Up Or Shut Up Club" to boast to bartender Bruce Willis about their victory, the 'dykes' off to the "Porn Star Fight Club" where a victory party included beautiful sex slaves, bondage and a night of debauchery every bit as exciting as their on-field win.
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Part Three tease: Charlize Theron vs. Catherine Zeta-Jones (Playing ‘Hardball’ aka ‘The Revenge!’)

PRELUDE:
As the blonde whipped her mini-Cooper through the LA freeway traffic, she was suddenly distracted by an insistent, constant buzzing from the small device vibrating against the 'sweet spot' between her long, muscular legs. Pulling a credit card thin state-of-the-art cellphone from its holster sewn into the front panel of her leather thong with her right hand, Charlize sounded the horn with her left thumb as she whipped her tiny "Italian Job" car between Jay Leno's motorcycle and an antique 'woodie' filled with surfboards on its way to the beach for a day of sun, sand and surfin'.

"Dammit Sunny, I told you not to call while I'm driving, I could have an accident when that thing goes off! You know how much I LOVE being 'buzzed' by this thing?!" Charlize Theron grumbled.

"It's not Sunny," a man's voice chuckled. "Though I'm sure I can do anything for you she does - and more!" he said, his tone indicating he was only half-joking.

"Who IS this?" the Oscar winning actress demanded, wary of insulting anyone who may turn out to be an important decision maker whose opinion of her could wreck her career if she pissed them off.

"It's me, Mike!" Michael Douglas said breezily. "Hey! Don't hang up!" he pleaded. "I just wanted to tell you I saw what you did to Cath after the game....it was priceless! I want a copy of the picture of you posing with her butt all decorated. Boy is she livid, that 'permanent' marker won't wash off so she's gonna be walking around with 'Char Wins' on her cheeks for months!"

"Why?" Charlize asked, the famously naive blonde's 'BS radar' apparently in good working order - for once.

"Next time Cath gets on her high horse with me about something, I wanna shove that picture in her face. That should shut her up good!"

"Sure thing," Charlize said, giggling at the thought that she'd gotten the best of the bitchiest member of one of Hollywood's premiere 'power couples'. "I'll have one sent right over. Home or office?"

"Oh, office... definitely!" Michael said. "In fact, why don't you bring it by in person tomorrow morning around ten? I've got a proposal for you that you may find interesting. It's a new script I'm reading and I think there's a part in it perfect for you! What say; it can't hurt to listen?"

The next morning, Charlize was sitting in Michael Douglas' outer office holding in her lap a brown manila envelope with an authgraphed copy of 'that picture'. She was also dressed to thrill, in a sheer cotton blouse, no bra, a mid-calf wrap mini-skirt, panty hose and strappy 4" heels. She nervously crossed and re-crossed her long legs as she waited to be called into the presence of 'the man.' Michael's secretary would look up every so often, let her eyes sweep up and down the blondes long, languid body, her eyes narrowing suspiciously before she lowered her eyes and returned to whatever it was she was pretending to do while she kept watch on Charlize.

Finally, Michael opened his office door and ushered Charlize into his inner sanctum, telling his secretary just before he closed the door behind her, "Doris, I don't want to be disturbed!" He showed Charlize to a low seat directly in front of his desk, and after she sat and crossed her legs, he walked around and sat down. After a brief awkward moment of silence, Charlize leaned forward, her loose fitting blouse gaping open to display her small, but quite perfectly shaped breasts, as she laid the envelope on his desk.

"I think I have what you want," she said breathily, the double entendre obvious to the point of farce.

Michael opened the envelope, took out the picture and studied it; it was exactly what he wanted! It showed Charlize posing over his wife Catherine's bare bottom, one foot on the small of her back with the black lettering "Char Wins" emblazoned on Catherine's ass cheeks. Inscribed in her own hand, Charlize had written, "To Michael, with all my love, Charlize.....the END!"

Michael set the picture aside, then took out a thick script and passed it across to Charlize. She looked at the title which looked something like, 'Indiana Jones vs. Sheena, Queen of the Jungle.' "It's only a working title," he explained.. "The writers are working on something better, but for now that's all we need. Basically, it picks up Indy twenty years after the previous story. He's on a quest in Africa looking for a lost explorer who went missing some twenty five years before while looking for a lost treasure. He hears tales of a wild blonde woman," that's you! "She turns out to be the daughter of the missing explorer and his wife, both of whom vanished under mysterious circumstances. You're raised by the natives, learn their ways, etc., etc., etc. Your big scene - aside from the two love scenes with me, of course, is the climatic fight with the native Queen when you save Indy from being roasted alive. This could gross millions, and make you an even bigger star than 'Monster' did!"

Charlize grinned from ear-to-ear at the thought of her making an even bigger splash than her Academy Award performance in the hit 'Monster' and she leaned forward eagerly, "Tell me more Michael."

Douglas revealed that several producers were interested in the project, "...and with your Oscar, you'd certainly be able to command in the 10-12 million dollar range...if you were interested."

"Interested!" Charlize gushed, getting to her feet. "Where do I sign?"

"Well, it's not to that point yet," Michael cautioned. "But you're the only one I'm talking to about this. You're not only my first choice, you're my only choice. I just can't see anyone else being credible in the role of Sheena! As soon as we get some I's dotted and some T's crossed, I'll be in touch."

Charlize couldn't believe how fantastic her life had become since winning the Oscar for 'Monster.' Suddenly, people were beating down her door demanding her for roles. Before she realized what was happening, Michael stepped up to her, took her in his arms and kissed her. At first she wasn't sure what to do, but the thought of all that money had gone to her head and she began to respond to his passionate kiss. Just then, the door flew open CRASH and as the kissing duo broke apart and turned around, their hearts sank as they saw Michael's wife Catherine Zeta-Jones standing in the doorway.

"YOU!" Catherine screamed, her face livid. "Why you shameless bitch, I'm gonna...."

She started toward Charlize who took one look at the brunette's twisted in rage expression and bolted out the side door of Michael's office, raced down the back steps and flew across the street where she dove headfirst into her mini-Cooper, threw it in gear and shot off down the street in a cloud of burning rubber. Catherine tried to chase after her but Michael stepped in the way, grabbing his irate wife - and in the process, perhaps saving Charlize's life.

"You two-timing, conniving bastard!" Catherine screamed at Michael as she beat on his chest with her fists while he tried in vain to calm her rage.

Then she saw the authographed picture on his desk, the one of her butt with Charlize's foot on it and she REALLY went off on him! It was twenty minutes before a red-faced Catherine Zeta-Jones stormed out of Michael's office, leaving the picture in small, tattered pieces on the floor in her wake and a badly shaken husband slumped in his chair. But once the storm subsided, Michael picked up his phone and pressed the intercom button, telling his secretary, "Perfect timing Doris, I couldn't have scripted the scene any better...which come to think of it, I did! You can place that call for me now, then take a nice long lunch, you've earned it keeping Cathey at bay until the scene was set."

A minute later his phone rang and he picked it up, grinning as he spoke to the woman on the other end, "Well Barocca, it went exactly as we wanted. Cathey walked in and caught me kissing her and exploded like any jealous bitch. She's primed and ready, she'll jump when you call and offer her the deal we arranged. Now remember, you promised a dozen of your best girls; these guys I'm entertaining are important producers and I need to make the best possible impression. I want Linsey Dawn Mackenzie and Danni Ashe plus Sarenna Lee for starters, I really enjoyed what Sarenna did the last time we used her! Hey, how about McKay, she available? No? Well too bad, some of these guys dig the 'no tits' type; hell look at her girlfriend Theron, she's a big star now!!"

Once their deal was agreed upon, Michael hung up; proud of the way he'd used Barocca and his wife to get what he wanted from the porn star queen at no cost to himself.

"Those bimbos got no head for business," he chuckled as he kicked back and fired up a Cuban cigar. "They don't know who they're foolin' with, I got their best women for this party and once I have those producers eatin' outta my hand, I won't need any of those bimbos ever again! Ha! Women!!"