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Charlize Theron On A Tirade by Rob
Maybe it was the sly laughs Charlize thought she could hear. Maybe it was the side-long glances from the other beautiful women in the room. Maybe it had something to do with the weird medicine her friend ‘the chemist’ had given her earlier that day. Maybe it was the three boilermakers she’d washed it all down with - that definitely could have been the cause.

Whatever it was, Charlize felt a sudden surge of incredible power rage through her. It was time for someone to pay and the actresses in this popular bar just happened to be in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

First up was Scarlett Johansson. Charlize shot a straight right directly to the jaw of the busty blonde. Scarlett gave a tiny "Eerrk!" as she slid out of her chair onto her butt, then laid back out cold on the floor beneath her table.

Next Catherine Bell. The statuesque star stood up, but only had time to say, "Hey!" before her chin took a crunching uppercut from the enraged blonde. Cat's lush body tumbled backward over her table, her legs flying in the air giving everyone a quick glimpse of her bikini panties before she crashed down on the far side, out like a light.

Teri Hatcher, another old, familiar foe of Charlize’ displayed a yellow streak (or perhaps merely good sense) by immediately bolding for the nearest exit. Charlize caught her by the arm, swung her around and beat a tattoo of blows to Teri's pretty face.

"How do you like THIS facial, you scrawny slut?" Charlize snarled. "I know it's not the kind you're used to on ‘Wisteria Lane’ but it gets the job done!" She stepped back to see the effect her fists had on the brunette. Teri stood frozen briefly, then slowly sank to her knees before she toppled over and crashed facefirst to the floor; her shapely ass exposed when her short skirt flipped up onto the small of her back.

The three stars of "Friends" had been having an informal get-together at the next table and they leapt to their feet with shocked looks on their faces as Teri took her tumble. Charlize turned on them and counted off, "One! Two! Three!" Her flashing fists sent Jennifer Anniston, Courtney Cox and Lisa Kudrow face down in three blinks of an eye.

Charlize stalked over to Ann Hathaway who put up her fists in an awkward attempt to fight. "Yeah, right!" Charlize snickered as she feinted with her right, and put Ann to sleep with a looping left hook that sent the ‘Princess’ backward into her chair, which then tipped over and left Ms. Hathaway flat on her back with her legs draped over the front of the chair’s seat…one Prada pump lost, the other dangling precariously from her big toe.

By now, most of the women in the bar were jamming the exits trying to escape the out-of-control blonde. A terrified Jenna Fisher from "The Office" tried to make it to the front door, but running while looking back over her shoulder at Charlize, she ran head-first into a wooden column with a loud BONK! Her arms reflexive wrapped around the post, then hugging it she slid down in an unconscious heap at the base, still hugging it.

Petite Emily Proctor ducked behind her ‘CSI: Miami’ costar Eva La Rue as both backed away from the approaching tigress. "She's gonna kill us!" Emily whimpered, hugging the taller brunette’s ass with both hands. Charlize grabbed Eva by the hair with her right hand, yanked her to her right; then grabbed a fistful of Emily’s golden tresses and held her out to her left. She listened for an instant to their shrieks, then CLONK, drove their heads together. The two sexy stars sagged to their knees, then went limp and into dreamland where they lay in each other's arms on the floor.

Sarah Michelle Gellar tried to say something to Charlize, but only got to, "Please, I ..." before taking a hard punch to the stomach. The air rushed out of her as she doubled over groaning in pain.

Charlize spotted Nadia Bjorlin, in a tiny mini-skirt and thigh-hi leather boots, trying to sneak past her. She shot one hand up under Nadia's dress and while nobody could see what she was doing out of sight beneath the short skirt, Nadia froze in her tracks; her big blue eyes bulging wide.

"Ohhh, Mommy!" Nadia blubbered, wiggling her ass helplessly.

With one hand under Nadia's dress, Theron’s other hand grabbed her brown hair, then Charlize swung her in a circle and sent her flying headfirst into the still moaning Sarah Michelle. Both starlets went backward, both ending up draped face down and limp over the bar.

Charlize glared around the room to survey the damage she’d wreaked. Teri was trying to sit up, so a knee to the chin send her toppling back over. Proctor was also stirring; a kick to the chin knocked her out again. Except for those still unconscious or too battered to move, everyone else in the place had fled.

Except for one! Voluptuous, black-haired, Charisma Carpenter, stood proudly in front of Charlize, hands on hips and fire in her eyes.

"All right, Theron, all right! That’s ENOUGH!" Charisma snapped. "Whatever’s making you nuts, it ends right here, right now!"

Charlize was breathing hard, but she gave an evil little laugh and her eyes narrowed. "Well, you have that right, cupcake. It ends with your big tits and fat ass on the floor with the rest of the losers!"

Charisma saw there was no reasoning with the lanky sexpot, so she snapped out her left, hoping a good punch would put a stop to Charlize's mindless rampage. To her surprise, Charlize caught the fist in her open hand and closed her strong fingers around Charisma's fist. Poor Charisma tried to shake loose, but her fist was caught like in a vice!

Charlize slowly began tightening her grip and although she tried to keep a straight face, Charisma was soon whimpering in pain. "Unnn! Leggo! Ooo…oowwww!" Charisma pleaded. "M-m-mm-y hand! You…you're breaking it! Please stop. Oww! Please! I…I'm sorry. Just please leggo! You're killin' me!"

Charlize just gave an evil laugh and squeezed harder until Charisma began crying out loud as she sank to her knees before the ‘Golden Goddess.’

"You win - you win! Oh, please, I can't stand it! I'm sorry - I'll pay you if you'll just LET GOOOOOO!"

"Oh, I'll let go, all right, you big pussy! I'll let go with THIS!" Charlize hissed as she hit Charisma with everything she had! Her fist cracked into Charisma's jaw and the weeping actress slid on her back almost the length of the bar, coming to a rest by the fire exit; a sweaty, bruised, unconscious, heap of tangled hair and limp boobs.

Finally, it was over. Charlize surveyed the carnage with a satisfied grin. All was quiet in the bar - except for the occasional groan or muted sob from one of her defeated foes.

"Well, I feel so much better now!" Charlize observed as she gathered her things and prepared to leave. "My psychiatrist was right; you really shouldn't keep your anger bottled up!"

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