As the stage is being cleared from the show, workers drag out a 12' x 12' plastic and foam pit with walls about a foot high. While they're pouring gallons of baby oil onto the plastic floor to a depth of about two inches, Stern takes the microphone to introduce the referee for the oil wrestling, Lisa Nicole Carson, last seen as Ally's roommate on "Ally McBeal" on Fox TV.
"Damn, I should have specified the REFEREE had to be topless for this," Stern pouts once he gets a look at Lisa Nicole's huge, nearly unsupported, breasts bouncing in a tight vinyl corset top with black and white referee's stripes and a pair of skin tight bike shorts.
Lisa Nicole and Howard chat briefly, killing time until the oil pit is ready, then Stern introduces the two participants. Cat Bell is first and she shows up wearing a wrap over her upper body and a skirt wrapped around the bikini bottom that is snug on her muscular butt. Her thick thighs ripple as she strides with her mother Mina to the ring. Cat's face is set in grim determination to snuff the blonde and put an end to her night as quickly as she can.
When Cat reaches Stern, he asks her to remove her top and, "Let everybody get a look at those big boobs you've been hiding."
Cat smiles and shakes her head, "I have to be topless for the match, the contract doesn't say anything about before or after. Get that loser Theron out here and let's get this over with fast."
Stern seems piqued by Cat's refusal to take off her top, but he doesn't remark on it, just turns to introduce Charlize. When she appears, since the fans already have seen her in all her glory it's no surprise, but even so, seeing her small, firm breasts riding high on her chest still brings a murmur of appreciation. Then there's another reaction as they realize Charlize is wearing a pair of camouflage shorts, perhaps something about "Marine" Bell's role on her TV show, no doubt. Gerda hustles along beside her, talking and whispering in Afrikaans, probably discussing fight tactics.
When both women are ready, Stern again tells Cat to remove her top. This time she slowly unwraps her covering and lowers it down her back, clutching it to her bosom until the last second. When her breasts are revealed, there's a gasp from the crowd. Without the support of a bra or bikini top, Cat's big breasts sag noticeably. The soft flesh molds to her chest and while she's still attractive, there's a few comments about 'jealousy' when people recall how she battered Charlize' perky young boobs in the early fights. Still, most of the men would probably choose big-boobed Bell over tiny-titted Theron if given they had a choice.
The women step into the slippery plastic pit and Charlize suddenly grabs Stern as her left foot shoots out from under her in the oil. He's almost pulled into the oil pit himself, barely managing to avoid taking a header. Then he explains the rules which state they must start facing each other on their knees in the oil. For safety reasons, they can't stand up but must fight on their knees or on the mats. Before they begin, each will have a chance to slather oil on the other's body. While they do it, the woman being 'oiled up' must keep her hands clasped behind her back. Since Cat's mother drew the fight, Cat has the choice of oiling Charlize' body first or waiting until Charlize has oiled her.
Cat doesn't hesitate, "Last. Definitely, I want to go last."
Charlize quickly scoops up two handfuls of oil and rubs it onto Cat's thighs, paying particular attention to the insides of her bulging, muscular legs where Charlize wants plenty of lubrication in case she's unfortunate enough to be caught between them. Then she works her way up over the gentle swell of Cat's belly until finally, gently, almost sensuously, she caresses around and under Cat's bare breasts, lifting and holding the soft breasts on her open hands as if showing everyone how soft and malleable they are. She grins wickedly as she plucks Cat's nipples, bringing them quickly erect to Cat's red-faced embarrassment.
Charlize laughs at Cat's obvious discomfort, not only at appearing topless in public for the first time, but at allowing the blonde to get a reaction from her like that. The big brunette blushes but her eyes quickly flash angrily when Stern makes some lewd comment about, "the Beverly Hills" and her "perky peaks."
Then it's Cat's turn. She scoops up a handful of the warm oil in her right hand, grabs Charlize by the back of her hair with her left and yanks her head back. As soon as Charlize opens her mouth to cry out, Cat shoves a handful of the oil in her face, most of it going in her open mouth. Then Cat scrubs the blonde's face, smearing her carefully applied make-up until her beautiful face is a dark, sticky mass of running mascara and make-up.
But Cat's just getting started; as Charlize spits oil, Cat grabs two more handfuls and slaps her hands on Charlize' battered breasts. Charlize cringes as Cat squeezes and roughly massages her petite orbs with the oil, washing away the body makeup she had applied to cover the bruises and welts on her fair skin.
Before Charlize realizes it, Cat has another handful of oil and this time she's rubbing it on her taut belly, her fingers kneading and probing for weakness, checking the resilience of her firm belly after three tough, grueling contests.
Even Charlize Theron can blush, which she does when Cat's hands drift still lower and her fingertips disappear briefly beneath the waist of her shorts. But she doesn't protest, knowing it would be futile anyway; she just closes her eyes and takes it, not seeing the look Cat gives Stern as she runs her tongue around her full lips and winks at the lecherous talker.
Gerda steps forward and yells at Cat, "Get your filthy hands off my daughter, you fuckin' dyke!"
"Don't talk to my baby like that, you bitch," Mina yells as she runs up behind Gerda, shoves her and sends her flying headfirst into the oil pit.
Gerda lands on her chest and belly with a loud WHUMP. The oil splatters Stern, Carson and the cameraman as Gerda slides across the width of the pit. Charlize spins around on her knees and reaches for Mina, but Cat grabs her by the hair, pulls her over backward and slams her fist down on her left breast for yet one more time.
While Charlize holds her chest and rolls on her back in agony, Gerda is slipping and sliding, losing a shoe as she struggles in vain to get up and go after Mina who is laughing at the sight of the 49 year old South African wallowing around in a pool of baby oil.
Lisa Nicole jumps in to keep Cat from pounding on Charlize any more but she slips and falls on her butt, her big boobs almost bouncing out of her top. Stern isn't sure whether to laugh or cry, but the fans are eating it up. He banishes both mothers and it takes a couple of security guards each to keep Mina and Gerda apart as they're dragged down separate hallways to their daughters dressing rooms to cool off. A couple of the older men whistle and yell at Gerda whose oil soaked dress has become semi-transparent, both her bra and a pair of bikini panties visible through the wet cloth. Her face turns red and she nearly breaks free to attack one of them, bringing another jeer from the crowd - a lack of respect toward the mature woman that infuriates both Gerda and Charlize.
Lisa Nicole pulls Charlize aside to give her a couple of minutes to collect herself and hold an ice pack on her bruised, red breast. As Charlize sits rocking back and forth holding her chest, Cat pulls her wrap around her shoulders again to hide her breasts from the audience again. Stern stands smoldering as his PPV special has hit a 'dead air' patch. Snapping his fingers impatiently, he calls Charlize back to the ring and tells Cat, "unleash the puppies it's time to get this show on the road." Neither woman looks happy as they carefully make their way into the pit. They kneel facing each other and wait for Lisa Nicole to blow her whistle to start the match.
TOOT!
Cat throws herself at Charlize with her arms spread wide. They slap together bare chest against bare chest and Charlize yelps in pain as Cat's momentum and weight bowl her over with her legs bent awkwardly under her. Charlize lets out a little cry as she squirms on her back trying to straighten her left knee, still sore from the wrestling match. With Charlize concerned about her leg, Cat bears down on the blondes shoulders, going for a quick pin so she can cover her breasts and go home early.
Once Charlize gets her legs unfolded from under her she realizes her predicament. Cat is already arranging herself full length on her with her legs straddling Charlize' hips. Cat's feet are wiggling in the oil as she tries to push them under Charlize' knees. If she can put Charlize in a grapevine she'll be in big trouble. The blonde ex-dancer's legs are strong, but flat on her back she'd lose if her shoulders are pinned and Lisa Nicole's already kneeling by her head checking them.
Charlize can't allow Cat to neutralize her legs or she'd be finished for sure. Her only hope of escape is to lift her knees and try to bridge. Holding her breath, Charlize raised her knees, tried to plant her feet as well as she could in the oil and buck her hips. The move worked even better than Charlize expected, but with unintended consequences. With both of their bodies covered in oil, when Charlize raises her hips, Cat slides forward easily....until she stops up with her big, soft breasts on Charlize' face!
Unable to catch her breath, Charlize panics and begins to thrash and buck, kicking her long legs as she tries to twist her hips first one way, then the other; anything to get a breath! Surprisingly, escaping from under Cat's weight proves to be easy. A couple of quick twists and turns of her torso, a push to Cat's chest at the right moment and Charlize literally squirts out from beneath her adversary.
Both women get back to their knees, Charlize already breathing hard after the breast smother and Cat's face wearing that smirking, smugly superior grin. As they move toward each other, Stern's cameraman scrambles to get in just the right position when they locked hands and arch their backs, pushing forward until their hard nipples touch. A classic cinematic moment!
Charlize suddenly raises up, thrusting her body forward to her right as she tries to put Cat in a headlock with her right arm. Cat brings her right arm up, however, catching Charlize under the left armpit and she flips her up over her left hip. Charlize splats down in the oil on her back with a loud grunt that brings chuckles from the spectators in the first couple of rows who aren't splashed by the oil. Cat pivots on her knees and drops, driving her right elbow down on Charlize already black and blue left breast. Charlize legs jerk up in a spasm of pain, then slap back down in the oil as she moans.
Cat drapes herself across Charlize' chest, wrapping her legs around Charlize' right arm and covering her left arm with both hands. The busty brunette looks up at Lisa Nicole Carson and smiles, "You can consider her pinned."
Charlize does the only thing she can think of to escape. Her right arm which is trapped between Cat's thighs, so she reaches up over Cat's butt, grabs the waist of her bikini and starts to pull it down! As soon as she tugs, Stern lets out a cry of joy as he sees the crack of Cat's ass.
Cat screams, "Stop that!" and instantly sits up, swatting away Charlize' offending hand from her rump.
Charlize kicks out her legs and slides free of Cat's grasp while the brunette is hiking up her bikini. When Charlize gets to her knees and turns around, she doesn't like what sees in Cat's eyes.
"You're REALLY going to regret that girl," Cat hisses, her slashing nails barely missing Charlize' heaving breasts.
Her eyes wide, Charlize leans back on her haunches, her open hands raised in a pleading, defensive, gesture, "Wait, I wasn't trying to ..."
She doesn't finish her apology as Cat slams into her chest with her shoulder and knocks the well-battered blonde backward, bouncing on her butt. Cat grabs Charlize by one ankle and pulls her toward her but Charlize kicks until Cat loses her grip on the slippery limp. Cat falls over backward and both women crawl over to and lean on opposite sides of the oil pit to catch their breath after the frantic action.
With a sigh, Cat gets to her knees and crooks a finger at Charlize. The blonde hesitates, then she too rises to her knees and slowly crawls forward until she and Cat are face-to-face. Cat swipes her left hand up and cracks it across Charlize' face rocking the young blondes upper body back. Charlize comes back upright with her own right hand raised ready to return fire, but Cat's right fist snaps out and uppercuts her left breast. With a pained squeal, Charlize hunches over and pitches forward with both arms clutching her breast.
Cat catches Charlize around the waist and throws her face down in the warm baby oil. Cat slips her right arm under Charlize right arm and tries to turn her, but Charlize spreads her legs and sticks out her left arm, stopping Cat before she can get her rolled.
Frustrated, Cat moves her right hand down and grabs Charlize right breast, squeezing hard as she hisses, "Give up bitch, before I really hurt you!"
Charlize moans as she reaches down to pry Cat's hand from her breast, sobbing, "Let go you freakin' pervert. I'll never give in to you...never, do you hear me - never!"
As they struggle for possession of Charlize' right breast, their legs become tangled. Cat jerks her right knee up into Charlize crotch, jolting the blonde forward on the slick plastic and forcing a groan from her. The move not only renews the pain in her groin from Cat's crotch claw in the last match, but prevents her from closing her legs. Charlize lifts the right side of her chest so she can use both her hands to pry Cat's hand off her tit. Charlize succeeds, but by the time she frees her boob, both of Cat's legs are wrapped around her left leg, trapping it.
Unable to keep hold of Charlize breast, Cat reaches around Charlize shoulder and grabs a handful of hair at the back of her head. Pulling her hair, Cat increases the pressure on Charlize shoulder with a half-nelson. It has the added advantage of forcing Charlize' face down in the oil. Unable to turn her head, Charlize thrashes and kicks as Cat tries to drown her in the shallow pool.
As they struggle, Cat again knees Charlize in the groin, scooting her body across the slippery plastic ring a little more. Seeing what's happening, Lisa Nicole crawls over and tells Cat, "Leggo her hair." Cat argues, holding Charlize' face in the oil a bit longer, but eventually she lets go and Charlize turns her head to the side coughing and sputtering.
Cat tries to use the half nelson to roll Charlize onto her back again, but Charlize manages to wriggle her arm out of Cat's grasp and drops flat on her belly on the oil slick plastic with both arms tucked tightly against her sides. Cat forces her left hand under Charlize' chin and pulls her head back. Charlize feels the strain on her neck and back but manages to work a hand under Cat's and push up as she ducks her oil-slick head and slips out of the hold.
As long as they're in that position, Cat can't turn Charlize onto her back but Charlize can't get Cat off of her either. Stalemated, Cat continues to ride Charlize back with her thigh wedged between Charlize' legs, grinding on her crotch with her thigh. Each time Cat jerks her thigh up into her crotch, Charlize grunts as her body is pushed a little further on the plastic. Lisa Nicole leans over and whispers something to Charlize who nods.
"What?" Cat asked the referee.
"Just checking, OK?" Lisa Nicole snaps curtly. "Don't worry, if you get a submission, I'll let you know."
Cat wriggles and squirms against Charlize' ass, struggling and trying as hard as she can to get the fading blonde rolled. But with Charlize' legs spread, turning her is nearly impossible even with her elbows pressed against her sides to shield her breasts from further abuse.
Several times Charlize tries to draw one of her legs up and get to her knees but each time she lifts her butt, Cat thumps her knee into her pussy and bumps her hips into the blondes ass. It always knocks Charlize back down on her belly, her body skidding a foot closer to the edge of the oil ring. Naturally, Stern and the audience hoots and cheers every thrust of Cat's crotch into Charlize' raised butt. The erotic gesture is clearly arousing the libidinous instincts of the rowdy, randy crowd. The last time this happens, Charlize ends up with her face wedged hard into the corner. Unable to turn to either side she is forced to raise her chin, craning her neck in order to breathe.
For the next minute both women lay still with Cat riding Charlize' ass; catching their breath, resting their weary muscles and planning their next moves. It's Cat who acts first, swiveling her legs to the side as she again wraps her left arm around Charlize' neck. At the same time, Cat plunges her right hand between Charlize' spread legs and grabs her by the front of her shorts. With Charlize' legs kicking in protest, Cat lifts Charlize hips, swings her around and flips her over onto her back in the middle of the pit, then drops on top of her.
Now that she finally has Charlize on her back, it's just a matter of time before Cat's strength and weight are too much for the exhausted blonde. Again, Cat wraps her right leg around Charlize' left thigh and jerks her thigh up against the blondes crotch. The impact brings a grunt from Charlize who is clearly still hurting from Cat's crotch claw finish to their lingerie match. Charlize has to use both hands to protect her breasts from Cat's claws but it's not her breasts Cat's after this time, it's her shorts Cat wants to get a grip on.
Reaching down between Charlize legs, Cat grabs the back of Charlize' shorts this time and tries to lift the blonde's hips up to roll her shoulders down for the pin. Lisa Nicole scrambles around Charlize' head, watching closely and whispering to her. Cat looks at Lisa Nicole, but thinks better of arguing with her, just pushes harder with her legs as she tugs up on Charlize' shorts, pulling them lower on her butt and threatening to pull them off entirely - although she realizes that would only make pinning her more difficult.
Lisa Nicole slaps the plastic once, twice, but Charlize' with a heroic effort, manages to lift her shoulder for just long enough to stop the count before she slumps back down. Cat grunts as she leans on the blonde harder and yanks up on her shorts again. The top of Charlize' ass cheeks are peeking over the edge of her shorts, crowd chanting, "Strip her! Strip her!"
"Just a little longer," Lisa Nicole says as she slaps the mat right next to Charlize' ear.
Again, Charlize strains to force her shoulder up briefly before Cat forces it back to the mat. Lisa Nicole's open palm slaps the mat as she drones, "One" but as she raises her hand again, Charlize' kicks her legs straight out and arches her back violently.
The sudden maneuver, combined with the fact that both Charlize' shorts and Cat's fingers are coated with oil, enable her to break Cat's grip on her shorts so she can rock her torso upward and again frustrated Cat's pin attempt.
Growling, Cat slams her fist into Charlize' belly just below the waist of her shorts. The air whooshes out of Charlize' lungs as her body jerks under the thumping power of the busty brunette. Cat once more reaches between Charlize' legs and uses her shorts to roll her hips up until her long legs are waving back and forth in the air above her. After a second, Lisa Nicole slaps Cat on the shoulder and when she releases Charlize' shorts she rears back and gives the limp blonde a hard, wet SPLAT on the ass, then drops Charlize in the oil and leans over her with her hands on the mat, panting heavily as her big, soft, nipple-erect breasts swung back and forth, lightly brushing across Charlize' heaving belly.
When Cat raises her arms in triumph, however, Lisa Nicole quickly pulls them down and tells her, "Sorry Cat, time expired. The oil wrestling is a draw!"
****
Cat is incredulous! "No, I pinned her. In fact, I pinned her a twice. If you weren't so damn slow counting...."
Then, she turns angrily to Stern and protests, "She kept telling Theron, 'Just hold out another minute. Time's almost up.' This isn't fair, she's either biased against me or the match is fixed! I demand you award me the match."
Stern rolls his eyes, but being used to dealing with big bosomed divas he just shrugs and tells Cat there's nothing he can do since the referee's decision is final. Then he tells Cat she has thirty minutes to get ready for the fifth and final fight. Charlize will draw the envelope to determine what type of fight it will be.
Since Charlize was still flat on her back in the oil and Stern didn't want to climb down there, he handed the bowl to Lisa Nicole and told her to have Charlize draw. Barely able to raise her arm, Charlize fumbled around a second or two and pulled an envelope out. Lisa handed it to Stern who opened it and seemed disappointed.
"Street fight in an alley," he said. "We'll use the New York City set just outside the studio. We'll set the cameras up during the break. It'll be one woman starting from each end of the alley. There'll be a belt hanging from a fire escape and you will have to climb up, retrieve the belt and carry it across the finish line. Other than killing your opponent or disfiguring her, there's no rules. You each have thirty minutes to get dressed and prepare. Your costumes will be brought to you in a few minutes. Good luck to you both."
Cat slowly got to her feet, looked down at Charlize contemptuously and stepped over her on her way out of the pit. Lisa Nicole helped Charlize to her feet and guided her down the hall to her dressing room where Gerda was waiting for her.
****
To help pass the time for the disgruntled fans as they mutter and mumble among themselves while they watch HDTV's being carted in and set up so they can see the next fight, Stern rushes to the microphone to introduce his next musical act, Gwen Stefani. The fans don't seem too enthusiastic until they get a look at Gwen, then they forget about their disappointment over the outcome of the last match and get into it. Gwen soon has the predominantly male audience on their feet cheering as she does an impromptu striptease while she's singing. It's a credit to this veteran performer that when Stern returns to the stage to end her set, he gets booed and chants of, "We want Gwen" echo through the studio.
"Ladies and gentlemen, before we bring the ladies back out for their next event, it's my privilege to introduce the referee for the next event. You all remember her from her sensational layout in Playboy and her turn as hostess of her own show on MTV. Let's give a hearty welcome to the one, the only, the sin-sational.....Jenny McCarthy!"
The beautiful blonde swivel-hips her way down to the stage, blowing kisses and stopping a couple of times to sign posters her agent and manager were selling out front before the show.
Once she reaches the stage, Stern continues, "There's no denying this lovely woman is going to have her hands full with Cat and Theron in a no-holds-barred, anything-goes alley fight. Especially with Theron on the verge of elimination. We all know a cornered rat fights the hardest."
Jenny McCarthy gasps and looks at Stern with incredulity, "I KNOW you didn't just call Charlize a rat Howard. Tell me you didn't do that, because if she comes out here and tries to take your head off, there's no way I'm even thinking about stopping her you pig!"
Stern's face is bright crimson as the house lights
go down and the monitors flicker to life with the scene of the
alley outside the studio. Jenny McCarthy, still giggling, heads
for the exit to join the two stars for the fifth, and final fight
of the tournament.
To the next part
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